|
Monday, April 21, 2003
Easter Sunday My friend Wendy was hospitalized late last week for complications with her liver. At first, the doctors hoped it was nothing more than an infection that could be fought off with some antibiotics and that all would be fine. But when the tests came back that there was no infection, the doctor proclaimed her liver had stopped functioning... and perhaps her kidneys... and that she would only be with us for a few more days. That was Friday... She's a much closer friend of Dar-Dar's and Lori's, and has been a part of their lives for years... that's how I met her. Wendy and I sort of developed this 'constantly joking with eachother not really getting very personal' relationship. She'd give me shit about something, I'd give her shit about something... no holds barred. And then as she was getting sicker and sicker I never knew quite how to cross that gap from the superficial, bitter, sarcastic exchanges we had to more intimate and personal conversations that I felt compelled to have with her. Saturday, I ended up being out of range on my cell phone for most of the day... so I couldn't hook up with Lori and Dar-Dar to see Wendy in the hospital. They had spent just about every waking minute with her since Thursday. And, when I finally connected with Lori I basically got the impression that it would be fine if I went with them Sunday morning, Wendy would still be hanging in there until then. Some things are not meant to be... Sunday morning, the three of us got up and grabbed breakfast at a diner near my house. As is normal with us, we were joking and laughing and having a great time. We were talking to strangers about motorcycles and laughing about sex. And very near the end of our meal, Dar-Dar just shut down. She wasn't present for our conversation anymore. And it had happened practically in the middle of a sentence... just like that. Lori was trying to rub her neck and bring her back to the conversation and it just wasn't happening. All Dar-Dar said was, 'We need to go.' So Dar-Dar went ahead, out of the diner... while Lori paid the check, I was inside with her. Apparently, Dar-Dar's phone rang while she was outside alone... Wendy's sister. The only thing Dar-Dar said to us as we emerged from the diner was, 'She's dead.' The ride to the Cayuga Medical Center was quiet. Dar-Dar would say a few things to break the silence. Mostly that the only thing she had wanted was to be there when it happened. And that she missed it. And all I could think about was that Wendy died that exact second that Dar-Dar shut down in the middle of our conversation. Its totally bizarre and strange to even imagine, and I'm the last person who would be saying something like this... but I know that's what happened. The rest of the morning was a blur. We got Dar-Dar to the hospital. Lori and I parked the car. Lori asked if I wouldn't rather just go home, but something made me say, 'No, I'll stay.' And then even more bizarre... when Lori asked if I wanted to go to the room or wait in the lounge, I said, 'I'll go with you.' (Did I think I'd feel more comfortable with Wendy than with the grieving family that I didn't know? I never know what to say to people who are in severe emotional states.) So I walked into Wendy's room where people (her family and closest friends) were holding her and crying and it hit me... 'I don't belong in here.' But at the same time I was paralyzed to move. I dont even know how long I stood there, just watching the whole scene from behind. Not involved. I was afraid to go up and hug anyone... I didn't feel like I had any right to be there let alone to attempt to console anyone. But was it ruder still to just go... not having even acknowledged what was happening in that room? Thankfully, Lori asked me to please go get some of the other family and so I had a reason to leave. And I sent a few folks back in... and waited in the lounge. I tried to be supportive of the family and Lori and Dar-Dar. I'm really terrible in these situations, because I feel so helpless. So mostly I just sat there, mute. Lori took me home a little later... and I spent the afternoon and most of the evening in bed... overwhelmed by what had happened that morning and trying to send good thoughts and energy to Wendy, her family and everyone who has to deal with loss.  | private feedback | |
Hey! I'm Shane... a proud gay progressive Democrat who has recently relocated to New York City from Ithaca, NY. As I am no longer in Ithaca, I haven't quite decided the fate of this blog. Drop me a line!
NY Politics '06 * Tompins County LGBT Dems * Tompkins County Dem Committee * New York State Dem Committee State/National Politics Hillary Clinton for President Victory Fund Daily Kos Center for American Progress Political Wire The Note National Stonewall Dems New York Stonewall Dems Progressive Democrats of America Super blogs Getting married, sort of... StudioOneQ Kathy Luz Herrera Good As You Queerty Monkeyhutts Ithaca Action Network white male consumer Elliott Back Ithaca is Home Living in Dryden AlfredNYC AarHead drdjmike JaseWells Govind's Stochastic Comments urbanskies.com Joey Destino Rebel Prince donut jelly Burnt Orange Report Slouching Towards Banality The Student Nurse Quistilton Family Blog Observe But Do Not Interfere The Search for Love in Manhattan ISleepInADrawer.com That Happy Feeling NYCO's Blog greg3d Tales of a Shrink Blog search engines Blogarama Review My Site Blog Search Engine popdex Blog Directory eTalkingHead Archive September 2001 October 2001 November 2001 December 2001 January 2002 February 2002 March 2002 April 2002 May 2002 June 2002 July 2002 August 2002 September 2002 October 2002 November 2002 December 2002 January 2003 February 2003 March 2003 April 2003 May 2003 June 2003 July 2003 August 2003 September 2003 October 2003 November 2003 December 2003 January 2004 February 2004 March 2004 April 2004 May 2004 June 2004 July 2004 August 2004 September 2004 October 2004 November 2004 December 2004 January 2005 February 2005 March 2005 April 2005 May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 June 2007 November 2007 |
