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Tuesday, April 22, 2003
'Sir, is your son gay?' Yesterday, I was telling the story of my brother going AWOL from the Army reserves. And It struck me just how funny a story it is. For those of you that have heard it before, pardon me while I indulge myself in sharing it again. When my brother was in high school he wanted nothing more than to become a chef. He participated in the BOCES Culinary Arts Program and pursued getting into the Culinary Institute of America with a passion unlike I had ever seen in him before. So I was understandably perplexed when he said he had gotten into the Culinary Institute but he wasn't going because he didn't want to have to figure out his financial aid stuff. I even offered to help him do the research, file the paperwork, and make contact with the school... after all, I had wrestled with financial aid myself and knew how daunting a task it was. But, in the end he refused all help. Instead, he went into the Army reserves. He had a friend in the reserves and they led him to believe it was an 'easy paycheck.' And although I knew that Andy had NO discipline, I was at least happy he'd made up his mind and was going to do SOMETHING post-high school. He was sent to Fort Benning, Georgia. And I only heard from him once during his entire time at basic training. It was to complain about how unhappy he was and to tell me all the things he had tried to get out of it. [Aside to My brother: Andy, I'm sorry that I'm going to share all this, but I'm fairly confident you'll never know that I posted this anyway...] What exactly did he try? He tried pretending to have a mental disorder. He tried wetting the bed. He tried causing all kinds of disruptions. Anything that he saw another private do to get discharged from the Army, he'd try. He finally called me looking for advice and I jokingly said, 'Pretend you're gay!' I remember he said, 'Will that work!?' And I said, 'Well it would if it were true.' About a week later, our father told me that he had been contacted by Andy's commanding officer... Apparently, Andy had walked into his office with his best poker face and said, 'I'm gay. I thought I could control myself, but being around all these men all the time, I just don't know how I'm going to make it through training without acting on my impulses.' (If it wasn't these exact words, it was something equally cheesy and pathetic.) So the commanding officer called to ask 'Sir, is your son gay?' My father responded, 'Which one?' trying to pass off the question as a joke. The officer responded, 'Andy' To which our father replied, 'No, not that one.' [Thanks for outing me to the US Army, Dad. I owe you one.] So, since his plan of pretending to be gay was foiled, the only thing left to do was to go AWOL. On a weekend leave, he got a bus ticket home and never went back... that is, until he was pulled over for speeding and it showed up in the computer that he was AWOL. He got dragged back to the station and eventually ended up with some kind of dishonorable discharge. It was all the family could talk about for months... and I still tell the story to new acquaintances whenever my brother comes up... or whenever I need something to post to my blog. *big cute grin*  | private feedback | |
Hey! I'm Shane... a proud gay progressive Democrat who has recently relocated to New York City from Ithaca, NY. As I am no longer in Ithaca, I haven't quite decided the fate of this blog. Drop me a line!
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