happily stuck in ithaca header
Tuesday, March 30, 2004

You know what, I'm NOT sorry!
I must look like a smoker... I'm always stopped by strangers who want to bum a cigarette. The conversation goes a little something like this...

Them: "Hey man, you have a cigarette?"
Me: "No. I'm sorry."

Short and sweet. And I was happy with the way this little exchange would go... until I realized what I was saying. Was I really SORRY that I didn't have a cigarette? Hell no. I was just being polite. Was I apologizing that I couldn't help someone out? I decided years ago that I won't enable smoking habits.... I won't hold a cigarette if you've lit up and realize that you left your hat in the restaurant and need to go back in and get it... I won't buy a pack of cigarettes for someone... I once held a pack of cigarettes, although it was at arms length like I was holding a dirty diaper, and probably with a nasty look on my face.

So maybe I was being too polite. I wasn't really sorry at all that I couldn't give someone a cigarette, nor was I sorry that they didn't have one.

So I had made up my mind that I would stop adding the "I'm sorry" part to my response. And it's harder than you think. That ingrained politeness is really a hard habit to break. *grin* But two nights ago it happened without thinking about it. Someone asked me for a cigarette at like 3 in the morning as we passed on the sidewalk... and without even thinking about it I said, "No, I don't." and kept walking. And that was it... I am so proud of myself!

Life is all about setting and achieving the SMALL goals. :-)
| private feedback |



Comments:
Well, I was going to ask for a fag...

But I fear for my life.

AND you know what, I'm not sorry that your not sorry! SO THERE!! :P

 

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Hey! I'm Shane... a proud gay progressive Democrat who has recently relocated to New York City from Ithaca, NY. As I am no longer in Ithaca, I haven't quite decided the fate of this blog.

Drop me a line!
shane@happilystuckinithaca.com

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